Day 49

saturday's are my day. it's the only day of the week that i don't have to go to work. even though i only do a few hours a day during the week, i still have to get up and go thru that whole process of showering, dressing, breakfasting, coffeeing, etc. sunday i work at the shop.
today i had a fair idea of how i wanted my day to pan out and how i really wanted to do very little, basically just chill. well that just didn't happened. the day was not as relaxing as i had intended. there was lots of to-ing and fro-ing from the house to get things, pick up things. lots of interruptions disrupting my relaxing 'flow'. it was so frustrating. i just really, really wanted a day of nothingness, where there were no pressures to do anything and it was all up to me what i did and didn't do.
to say i was exhausted by this evening is an understatement. mentally exhausted. partially this is just me. i struggle with change when i have it in my head that this is what i am going to do, want to do. i still am constantly amazed that i loved production so much, esp the constant changing dynamics, i got high on it! i guess it wasn't directly my life, and i expected there to be that constant uncertainness. unlike when i have my own thing and want it to happen my way! pity we can't really have that much control over our lives.....although i guess in reality it would not be so much fun...knowing everything that was going to happen every moment of every day....
anyway, today is a write off - but there is always next saturday and at least everything is shut until 1pm....semi-enforced nothingness....well no chores can be done!